signs of the time

The leaves are starting to change, but everything is still very green. Just another sign of the times. It has taken an entire season to get ready to deploy.

I walked into the servicemember's lounge where one of the women greeted me with "weren't you just here a month ago?" A little more than that, yes, but I was there earlier this season.

It just feels weird walking away from everything -- again -- only to realize that I'm not coming back this way for a long, long time.

A lot changes in a year, and that's quite a sobering thought.

so distant

I spent the day at the office hanging out with the guys. We were going to skip out on work to fly, but the ceiling (cloud cover) was so low that a day of gliding wasn't really worth it. So it was back to the office we go. Radio broadcast of a big game, with Secretary both cheering and booing to it. Walking around the halls in a lab coat with my jeans pulled up to my knees. Helping random visitors as if I was being paid to do it. Peeling tape and discussing painting techniques for flat walls versus planetarium domes. EngineeringGeek and PhysicsGeek get to go with Bossman to paint a dome. Just like they've already submitted their reservations for the Grand Re-Opening. Already I feel so distant from their world.

Luciana vai pra guerra
Aprender a matar e morrer
Que morra e que viva
Sentindo a saliva fugindo da boca

"Hey Techno, what branch are you in?"
"Army Guard."
"Did you ever think that you would be deployed?"
"Not until I volunteered."
"I didn't know that you volunteered."
"Yeah, I did."

Luciana vai pra guerra
Em tudo que vejo eu atiro
E é o alvo que brilha e se move na mira
O alvo é tudo que respira

"I still really admire you."

Luciana vai pra guerra
Mesmo que a terra nos coma vivos
Mesmo que a coragem de vinte fuzis
Me trouxe medalhas e uma cicatriz

"You just looked so sad."
"I'm just really tired. I was up late last night, the night before I left I was up late packing, and I've had long days all week. It adds up after awhile."
"Alright, but if you get really bored, call me."
"Will do."

Luciana, Luciana
Vai pra guerra!?
Luciana, Luciana
Vai pra guerra!?
Luciana!

I cried as soon as I got in the car. So tired of crying. I didn't really want to say goodbye. I really don't want to leave. Why am I leaving? I love that part of my life. I love being in the planetarium, I love hanging around campus, and I love spending time with the guys. When I come back, both Geeks will have graduated or be close to graduation. Just two more things that I'll miss.

Why am I leaving? Why did I volunteer?

Luciana vai pra guerra
Em tudo que vejo eu atiro
E é o alvo que brilha e se move na mira
O alvo é tudo que respira

It's so hard to realize that I have so little time, and so much to do.

It's harder to understand why I want to stay and why I want to go.

It's days like this that I still ask myself if I picked the right plane.

Luciana, Luciana
Vai pra guerra!?
Luciana, Luciana
Vai pra guerra!?

("Luciana vai pra guerra" - Vento Motivo)

DONE

It's so nice to know that the only thing I have left to do is PACK.

So looking forward to my very own bed.

still alive

I wish I had more inspiring things to write. I'm tired, my body hurts all over, and all I can think about is getting a massage.

Life is good.

exhausted

I feel exhausted. Little sleep and a five mile road march at o'dark thirty will do that to you. Afterwards it was rush rush rush to get to class. And now? Nothing. Rien. Nada.

But, this is good. Because it means that I can go and repeat another segment of training later and be able to go home on leave. And getting out of this place -- even if it's for a few days -- is a good thing. I won't complain. I have plane tickets, it won't take me long to pack, and I know pretty much what I want to do when I get back home. So all is well.

Almost done, almost out of here. Couldn't be happier, no matter how tired I am.