Quando voce vem? / Onde esta meu amor?

I'm missing MeuAmor today. I talked to him and Mãe on the phone today and yesterday, during my breaks between briefings and other assorted pre-mobilization things. It's good to hear their voices, even if I know that I'm not going to see them for a long time.

Mãe: Quando você vem?
Techno: Não sei.
Mãe: Não sabe?
Techno: Não, não. Eu quero, mas...
Mãe: Mas você não pode.
Techno: Sim.

"Quando você vem?" I hate that question. Not because Mãe is being nosy. (She's not.) But because everytime she asks it, I really do wonder when I'm going to see them. I really don't know when I'll be back on a plane to Brazil. And it sucks, because while I've gotten a chance to spend time with my family here in the States, I haven't had a chance to spend time with them. It's already been nearly a year since I've seen them last.

I miss MeuAmor. And his entire family.

*****

Ela passou do meu lado
Oi, amor - eu lhe falei
Você está tão sozinha
Ela então sorriu pra mim
Foi assim que a conheci
Naquele dia junto ao mar
As ondas vinham beijar a praia
O sol brilhava de tanta emoção
Um rosto lindo como o verão
E um beijo aconteceu

Nos encontramos à noite
Passeamos por aí
E num lugar escondido
Outro beijo lhe pedi
Lua de prata no céu
O brilho das estrelas no chão
Tenho certeza que não sonhava
A noite linda continuava
E a voz tão doce que me falava
O mundo pertence a nós

E hoje a noite não tem luar
E eu estou sem ela
Já não sei onde procurar
Não sei onde ela está
Hoje a noite não tem luar
E eu estou sem ela
Já não sei onde procurar
Onde está meu amor?

--"Hoje a Noite Não Tem Luar" - Legião Urbana

*****

It's just really hard to see other soldiers with their spouses, significant others, siblings, parents, and other assorted family members without thinking about those that I haven't seen for quite some time, that I'm not going to see for awhile, that don't live anywhere nearby, and on top of everything else, that I have a hard time communicating with due to language barriers.

I keep telling myself that I'll see them soon. And all I can do is cross my all my fingers and toes and hope that it'll be true.

overly optimistic?

Ever look at the world and wonder just what the fuck is wrong with everything?

Why are we fighting? Why are we dying? Why are we bombing each other? Why are we capturing each other? Why are we launching missiles? Why why why?

Just who is "the bad guy"? Who isn't playing fair? Who really has the right to say that they've taken the moral high road?

Why are we such xenophobes? Why can't we reach out and help each other? Why can't we come together and put differences aside?

Why are we so apathetic about it?

Or am I just overly optimistic?

one day

Little boys, water slides, light reflected off of the water.

They don't understand. They can't understand.

And I'm not even going to bother explaining it to them.

One day they'll get it.

so strange

So strange, to be in the front of a room for a deployment ceremony rather than being in the back playing music to be ignored by.

Still doesn't feel real.